Disagreeing Yet Being Friends

Hi frens,

While we may disagree and commit in an organization, could we disagree with someone but still be friends with them?

In our eastern culture, people tend to take arguments more personally. That often leads to ignoring the conflicts without addressing concerns, or arguing with each other without clearly specified boundaries. That often hurts friendship in many ways, if there’s any.

You may have noticed that I was using the western framework to interpret eastern culture. One thing I’ve learned from W3C’s way of meetings is specify clear scope for discussion. Equal voices are ensured and heard. Issues should be addressed before the decision making.

However, I believe the underlying issue is two-fold:

1. Some eastern people usually aren’t comfortable of disagreeing face-to-face. That often leads to back-channel conversations, which often destroy trust between individuals.

2. Others tend to overstep personal uncomfortable zones. Without clarifying clear boundaries, people may fall with love or break up with each other very soon.

These behaviors aren’t conducive to healthy discussions. Unfortunately, we’re rarely taught how to handle such situations while still seeking consensus. That’s the hardest part: education.

Or maybe, we just make friends with western people and learn from each other ;)

Your friend,

Denken